Being A Mom

I love being a Mom with my whole being.  That little girl makes my heart burst with happiness every single time I look at her.  Even if it's for an hour and a half in the middle of the night.  Okay, maybe not at that moment...but just seconds after as I'm falling back asleep.  I love her to bits.  And I seriously can't imagine my life without her in it.

However, there are parts of motherhood that I'm not a fan of.  And I apologize if I sound like a broken record, some of these things I am obviously struggling with a lot.

I hate that I now drive a "mom" car.

I hate that I'm now sporting a "mom" haircut.

I hate that I had to buy a "mom" swimsuit. 

I also hate how said swimsuit looks on my "mom" body. 

As much as I HATE these things, I love this girl even more.  I wouldn't trade anything in the world for her.  She makes me happy.  I mean, look at her...

Holy Moly

Miss Neva Mae is 11 months old today.  I have been getting increasingly emotional about her upcoming birthday as each day passes.  How in the world has it been almost a year already???

There's a sweet gal at work who shares my due date.  Watching her during this time brings back so many memories.  The anxiety, the preparing, the waiting...it's so fun to watch someone at the exact same point we were at one year ago.

And Miss Neva?  She is TOO much. 

She loves to eat now, I mean LOVES to eat.  And I love to watch her try new foods.  Hate them in the first bite and then devour them shortly after.  Hilarious, I tell you.  We're also trying to get her off a bottle and onto a cup with a straw.  She loves to drink water and tiny bits of prune juice (when needed)...but throw some milk in there?  Whoa, does she refuse!  I'm sure this will change, but yesterday she would take a few swallows and then spit out the rest of the milk.

She's also becoming quite vocal.  She loves to squawk and squeal with delight.  But is also getting very loud with her protests.  It is quite funny and rather challenging to not laugh at these outbursts!  She is also starting to do lots of imitating and was even trying to imitate my pretty kick-ass elephant sound this morning.  Mommo (aka Grandma) reports that she was trying several other animal sounds throughout the day.  Love it!  She will say: mama, dada, hi, bye, dog, cat and baby.  Awesome!

She is so close to standing and walking, it's ridiculous!  She can cruise along the furniture and will occasionally let go to move to another section of the couch.  At the pool the other day, she stood for several seconds on her own.  She will also go from crawling into a downward dog position, but just can't get all the way upright yet.  She can book it up the stairs faster than fast!  Coming down, she hasn't figured out yet...but it sure is funny to watch her try! 

I just love her so much.  SO MUCH!

Mountain Fair

One year ago tonight I was dancing with my favorite dancing buddy.  Tonight though?  Tonight, I go it alone.  I'm a little more nervous as I can't just stand there and be pregnant if I forget what I'm doing and have people in awe over almost 9 month pregnant body still dancing! 

Last year...

Looking forward to have my tiniest fan in the audience!  She loved dancing with me...wonder what she'll think of it all from the outside!!!  And her Dad is quite possibly my biggest fan...looking forward to having him there as well.  Love you guys!

Hallelujah!

I know this is a little premature, but I didn't get out of bed once last night! 

Eric and I were near our wits end with this sleep business.  On Monday I did the 'pick up put down' method.  She seriously screamed for an hour and a half.  And I picked her up and put her down 37 times...then I lost count.

Last night we did some research and decided we needed to give her a chance to put herself back down.  I said I couldn't let her cry for more than 5 minutes and that was our agreement.  Five minutes, then go check it out.  As we turned out the lights after reading a bit, she started to stir.  She kind of whined for about a minute, maybe two...and then she was lying back down!  VICTORY!!!  She did this a couple more times throughout the night, two times I think...maybe three.  I didn't get a great night of sleep as I was checking the monitor frequently.  BUT....I didn't get out of bed.  Not once.  And definitely not for an hour and a half in the middle of the night! 

And...she woke up in a great mood!  Just talking away to let us know she was awake!  I feel that she was actually rested when she woke up and not feeling already groggy from a night of terrible sleep.  And?  She was hungry!  Sometimes it's a challenge to get her to nurse or eat any breakfast before leaving the house for the day...but not today! 

I feel like the three of us have really accomplished something here.  I had no idea how hard it would be to teach someone such seemingly basic things...and things that I look forward to several times throughout the day.  Sleeping and eating!  On the other hand, I feel that I could have helped this situation months ago, as I have been getting up the moment I hear her stir.  Does she need to eat?  Does she need a diaper change?  Does she need to be held?  We've done it all...being up every hour, having her get up just once a night, etc.  But now?  Now we know she can go through the night without eating, she can put herself back to bed...and we can all get a little more sleep and be a little more rested!

Thank you, sweet baby girl!!!  I feel like a brand new person today!!

10 months

I'm such a slacker...and that's so disappointing to me!!  Life has just gotten busy.  Busy beyond belief!

Neva is crawling up a storm.  Her first attempts were for an outlet and an electrical cord.  Really?  Guess someone was right on when they made all those childproofing products!  She also likes to pull up to stand on anything and everything in sight.  Once she's upright, she likes to practice her dance moves, which include some pretty darn good hip circles and this funny little booty dance.  Seriously, have to get that one on camera.  It even comes out at night when I pat her little buns to sleep.  When she wants me to do it more, she shakes her butt (kind of like Kendra for anyone else who watches crappy reality TV such as 'The Girls Next Door').

She's become an eating machine.  Loving green beans, peas, sweet potato, squash, avocado, carrots, rice cereal and pasta, almost any kind of puff or cracker and now cheese!  Has to be my child, I tell you!  Cheese, crackers and avocados?!?!  We just can't seem to convince her that fruit is yummy...we're still working on that though!  And her new trick is drinking from a straw.  Pretty funny to watch this tiny tot drink out of any cup with a straw.  And I taught her to say, "ah" after drinking, which I thought was hilarious...until she started doing it while nursing, too! 

She likes to 'sing' and dance when we listen to music.  Hilarious, I tell you.  She babbles all the time at home, but gets somewhat shy when out and public and isn't nearly as vocal.  More of an observer in a new situation or around new people, much like her mama.  She's also using a few words regularly, 'mama' and 'dada'.  And we will swear that we've heard, 'cat' and 'dog' a few times over the last few weeks. 

Neva is also going through quite the separation anxiety right now.  Not AT ALL when I leave her at Ronda's in the morning, but almost every time she goes to sleep.  Nap times have become a disaster.  She will avoid sleep like the plague.  Screaming and screeching to get us to come in there.  Same thing in the middle of the night.  She wakes once and all is well, eats and back down.  But then she's added in another awake time...and it is terrible!  We've been up for nearly an hour and a half for that one almost every night for the past week.  SERENITY NOW!!!  I've been reading and reading and most people say that this will just pass.  Let's hope that happens sooner than later!

She is amazing...everyday it's something new.  I love it.  This sleep deprivation business is no joke, but I know that this will be short lived.  I just can't wait to be on the other side of it!!! 

Will post pictures soon....you have to see this little lady!

Vicious Cycle

Lately I feel as though my life is one big vicious cycle...

Neva doesn't sleep...

Then I'm tired and exhausted...

Then I don't want to exercise....

Then my self-esteem gets a little lower...

And my energy level gets a little lower...

Then I tend to snack a bit more...

Then I get discouraged...

Then my clothes still don't fit and I still don't like the number on the scale...

I miss my sweet baby who was sleeping so long that I got 'in trouble' with our pediatrician and told to wake her up for more night feedings. I miss the sweet angel who would sleep from 7:00pm until 5:30am, wake for a snack and then go right back to bed until 7:00am. I'm not sure if it's teething or a growth spurt or if she just wants to hang out...but I miss sleeping. I am not a fan of getting up at 6:00am every single day of the week. I miss the days of sleeping until noon or napping whenever I felt like it. Eric and I often joke about what it was like to not feel tired all the time. To sleep until 11:00am.


I knew this part of motherhood, getting my body back to normal, would be a challenge.  I just didn't know it would be this difficult.  I miss the confidence I had prior to all the changes my body has endured over the last year and a half.  My self esteem wasn't great, but it sure beat where we are today.  I know, I know...I have a wonderful, sweet, beautiful baby to show for it...but I still don't like this part.  Honestly, I thought it would be a little easier.  Everyone said the weight would all just melt off, and maybe a little extra, since I'm nursing.  Well, that is a crock.  It's way harder than that!!!!  Especially since I have recently been told that I need to consume 2700 calories a day to keep my milk supply up to par.  Bleh.

I am not intending to sound all whiny, but after watching a recent Dateline with 3 year old girls talking about being fat, I have vowed to not say these things out loud...especially in Neva's presence.  So, to get it out of my system, I had to write it out.  That show was extremely disturbing...little girls making fun of each other, talking about fat tummies...did you know there is actually a diagnosis of Infantile Anorexia?  I will not raise my daughter to have body issues and low self esteem.  I want to empower her and give her the confidence that I don't have.

Sweet baby girl, please know that you are beautiful and smart.  Beauty is not measured in the size of your waist or the number on a scale.  It is measured by what's on the inside...and I promise to raise you to recognize that and not worry about the rest.  And I, in turn, will work on accepting what my shell looks like and focus mostly on what's on the inside.

 

9 months

Holy Moly....I can't even believe how long it has been since I have written anything!  Not that I have anything ground-breaking to share, but I had committed to keeping this up to date for family and friends who live far away so I need to keep up!!!

And now I say, DAMN IT!  I started this last weekend...but then life happened.  And here it is, a whole week later and I'm still not sure I'll be able to finish this post tonight!

Here goes nothin'...

This little lady is amazing.  Crawling.  Standing while holding on to something.  Trying with all her might to pull to stand.  Chucking her pacifier out of her crib to get us to come back in just one more time.  Amazing, I tell you.  Just amazing.

Life has been busy, to say the least.  My job has been extremely demanding this month.  I hate every June at my job, but this one takes the cake.  And we're only half-way through!  And Eric's schedule continues to be extremely helpful yet extremely difficult.  And this week we found out that our amazing Miss Ronda is moving at the end of July.  And so we start the hunt for a new daycare once again.  What I wouldn't give to be independently wealthy so that I could stay home and play with that amazing gal every single day.

Since I'm in a bit of a grumpy place, again, I'm going to zip it and just share some photos. 

Riding her new toy

Learning to stand!

 Swinging with Dad

An older one, but so cute....Mother's Day

First trip to the pool, thanks Janet!

Enjoying the Strawberry Days parade