Waiting...

I didn't think we would be going past our due date and waiting for this baby to arrive!  I kind of thought I might be able to catch a break this time around since Neva was so late!!

This is a hard place to be, for me.  Not making a lot of plans because you just never know what might happen.  And I've been having tons of contractions for the last week, so it always seems like it COULD be time and then everything stops.  I was so convinced this baby was coming last week, that we called my sister to start making the trek over.  Now I'm worried that she'll have to go home before this baby arrives and I've wasted tons of her time! 

Today, I'm also struggling mentally.  I don't know why, but having tons of doubts about myself....  Can I handle a natural childbirth again?  Will this labor last for 24+ hours?  I got so worked up about it at work today that I got hot and sweaty, felt my blood pressure go up, even got a little light-headed....and have cried several times.  Self doubt is a nasty, nasty thing. 

I knew today would be a challenge at work.  Now that I'm officially past my due date, I get to listen to everyone's ridiculous comments continue.  Yes, I'm still here.  Yes, I'm still pregnant.  Yes, I'm going to keep showing up every day until this baby arrives because our maternity plan sucks and I only have 2.5 weeks of unpaid time off.  So sorry that my presence is annoying to you....the feeling is starting to become mutual!

In the meantime, I'm enjoying lots of walking and hiking, spending time with my family including Momo, Aunt Mandy, Elliott and Drew.  It's fun (and a bit challenging) to watch Neva and Elliott play together and knowing that soon this baby and Drew will likely have a similar relationship!  We'll just have to see if Drew will have a boy to play with or a little girl!

Here we are at 40 weeks, getting ready to hike up a mountain.

 Being princess Anna.

Absolutely exhausted after a weekend with cousins!

Why wouldn't you wear your ballerina clothes to the park?

39+3

How in the world did we get to this point?  How are we past the 39 week mark and really just waiting, waiting for this little person to enter our lives?

Funny how quickly 9 FULL months can go by so slowly...and so quickly at the same time.  And now we just have to sit and wait until this little one is ready to make his/her appearance.

This is such an interesting time for me....  So much anticipation and excitement, yet some fear, too.  Will this labor be hard?  Will Neva adjust okay?  Am I going to be able to handle 2 children?  How is it all going to go?  It's an exciting yet scary place to be, for me.  That business of forgetting what childbirth is like has not been true for me.  I remember it quite vividly and am sure that's why I'm feeling nervous this time around.  Yes, I know I can do it.  I don't have a choice!  But I would prefer it to be easier and shorter this time around.  I want to be less afraid, more calm, more confident this time.  I want Neva to witness this experience and think, "My mom is a bad ass!"

I'm trying to savor every single cuddle with my big girl and trying to wrap my head around sharing my attention with another little human.  We had a small issue this weekend around snuggling with one of our cats.  There's just not much room on my lap these days, so I informed the cat that I could not snuggle.  Neva was convinced I was talking to her and burst into tears.  Nearly broke my heart...  "You don't want to snuggle me, Mom?"  "You couldn't stay like this forever?"  It took a good 10 minutes of explaining that I was talking to the cat and not to her, that I'll always want to snuggle her even if she has to share my lap with the new baby....I will ALWAYS have time and room to snuggle her.  My little sensitive girl....I hope this adjustment goes smoothly! 

I am ready to be done with work!  One day of pain and hard work, for a six week vacation!  :)  Really, I'm just tired of the silly comments!  Today, a co-worker came into my office to see if I was still here and just sighed, then turned around and left.  Yesterday, someone said, "Would you just pop already?"  Sorry that my presence is bothering you, I'll be sure to let my growing child know that!  People are so odd sometimes! 

So, we are anxiously/impatiently waiting.  Lots of walking and trying to keep our minds occupied right now.  Our pantry is full, the fridge is bursting, the freezer and the deep freezer can absolutely not hold another ounce of food.  The birth team is coming together....Momo is here and Aunt Mandy is just a phone call away.  At my appointment yesterday I was 40-50% effaced and 2cm dilated.  So, we're getting there.  Slowly but surely.  And I'll take all the progress that happens without me even knowing!

See you soon, baby!

 

38.5 weeks

Holy moly....we are in the home stretch now!

And this baby has flipped!!!!  Did lots of walking, homeopathic remedies and some acupuncture and this little one just turned right back around!  Now to keep it head down....

Funny how hard last week was, trying to wrap my head around the possibility of having a C-section.  And now, here I am, trying to wrap my head around an all-natural birth once again.  I know I can do it.  I know it will be different than it was last time.  I know at the end, I'll be so grateful and proud that I did it "my way" once again.  I can do anything for one minute...and thank goodness those contractions usually only last one minute at a time! 

The house is cleaned, the carseat bases are installed, the bassinet is set up, the freezers are stocked with premade meals....just waiting on this baby to arrive.  I'm ready when you are baby, but can we please not wait 10 additional days like your sister did? 

I'm feeling pretty good for this late in the game!  Sleeping is getting a little bit more difficult as my hands fall asleep very easily on the side that I am sleeping on.  Heartburn is finally starting to make a nasty appearance and seems to be present, no matter what I eat!  Still exercising on almost a daily basis, which I swear helps...and teaching belly dance classes, too! 

Just waiting on the final detail....that sweet little babe! 

 

Premonition...

Or just a coincidence?

Last week I had a dream that is now standing out so vividly.

Neva and I were desperately trying to get me to a college exam.  (Why, oh why, do I still have those dreams?!?)  En route to said exam, we bumped into a few people we knew.  We'd stop and chat and talk about the pregnancy and the new baby.

But what makes this stand out is that during my conversations with people you could see an entire leg sticking out of my stomach, still below the skin, and right below my belly button.  There was also a flap that could be pulled down, at the top of my belly, and we could look in on the baby. 

When I woke, I remember thinking that had been one of the more strange dreams I've had during the pregnancy.

But I have to wonder...did I somehow know that this baby had flipped and was now sitting breech?  Does the opening flap mean that I knew (deep, deep down on some other level) that this baby would be delivered by c-section? 

We're still trying to get this baby to flip on it's own and hoping for a natural home birth, but also trying to wrap our heads around the fact that this birth may look very different from what we had planned.

Flippin' Babies

So here we are with only 18 days to go.

And this baby has decided to flip and is now in a breech position. 

This baby has been head down for MONTHS.  And s/he chooses NOW to change it around? 

Way to stress a mama out.

We are trying some natural things to get this wee one back in a head down position.  Homeopathic remedies, lying on an angled ironing board to make some more room, lots of hiking, swimming, acupuncture, chiropractic adjustment, etc.

Going to be a busy week, making time for most of the items mentioned above...some of them are to happen multiple times in a day.

It's been hard to wrap my head around another natural childbirth, but throw around the word C-section...and that's a whole different ball game.  And another option to try to wrap your head around.

Come on, baby.  Get that head back down.

One month...

My "due date" is officially one month from today.  We are into month 9 of this pregnancy, with only 31 days left.  I'm secretly hoping it will be a few days less than that, but I will be patient!

I can't believe we are so close to being done with this pregnancy.  In some ways it seems to drag on and on and on.  And in other ways, it just flies by!  And SOON, we'll be snuggling this sweet little bundle and not remembering anything of the last 9 months!

I'm starting to get anxious and nervous for labor and delivery.  I've done it before and know I can do it again....but I haven't forgotten the first time.  I remember being so scared.  Scared about how long it was taking.  Scared about the amount of pain.  Just all around scared.

I've been trying to prep myself for this to all happen again, but it's proving to be difficult to wrap my head around.  I remember the scary moments from Neva's birth and the things that I said out of fear.  BUT I also remember the moment she was born and how all of the fear and pain seemed to wash away with that final push.  Those endorphins are amazing!

I really can't wait to see who this little person is!  A boy or a girl?  An extrovert like big sister or a little more reserved?  Talking at 9 months and not walking until 13 months?  Or vice versa?  Brown eyes?  Brown hair?  I just can't wait to meet this baby!

I had one of the rudest comments this morning.  As I walked into my office, one of my co-workers actually started laughing at me.  I asked what was so funny and she responded, "Nothing".  I probably should have left it that, but I didn't.  I asked again and she responded, "You're just getting SO big!"  These comments never stop amazing me.  Mostly because if I were to just pop off and say that to someone, it would be considered extremely rude.  However, since I am SO pregnant, it's okay to just say whatever floats your boat! 

Here's a pic of us today....please don't mind the work bathroom selfie! 

 

I Would NEVER Do What You're Doing

Those words were said to me just a few short weeks ago.  "I would never do what you're doing"....

This person was involved in a birth that didn't go according to plan.  Due to this situation being scary to them, I'm the one who is making bad choices.  And they let me know how they felt about it.  Which is fine.  I had plenty of that the first time around. 

I still just don't understand why saying anything and everything that comes into one's mind is okay to say out loud.  Another example?  I've been told how huge I am 4 times this week (but who's counting, right?).  I know I'm big.  I only have 5 weeks until this baby is due.  That's what happens.  I grow a human, my body grows to accommodate.

I even had a woman tell me, after talking about some of these ridiculous comments, that she doesn't know what to say to pregnant women.  Followed by her telling me that I look "normal" with a little extra padding.  Pretty sure that's NOT the most appropriate thing to say to a woman in her 8th month of pregnancy.

Or maybe it's just me.  Maybe other women don't mind being told how huge or ridiculous they look.  But I'm guessing that if I fired back to anyone who said anything inappropriate to me, they would be appalled...and I would be the bad guy.

Tact.  Seems like people are lacking a lot of it these days!!  I'm happy to have a conversation with people about their choices and my choices.  But I'm not interested in just putting up with your crap!

In other news, we are officially 35 weeks tomorrow!  2 more weeks and we can have this baby at home!!  We had an appointment on Monday afternoon and everything is going well!  Baby's head is down and heart rate was in the 130s.  My blood pressure was great, but my pulse was high (read: too much stress!)

And look at this little gem.  I LOVE that Neva gets included in our appointments!  And Julianne does this EVERY single time we go to her office.

 

 

She is beyond excited to be a big sister!  She loves to talk about all of the things that she is going to teach the new baby.  Sometimes it's pretty entertaining what she comes up with!

 

Right now she wants to name the baby Cinderella if it's a girl and Gus Gus if it's a boy.  Glad that she's at least moved on from wanting to name her/him Neva! 

 

She is the most amazing thing in the entire world!  Hard to imagine that we'll think the same of another child in just a few short weeks!  I can't wait to see who this little person is!