11 weeks

Our little man is almost 3 months old!!!!  Time is FLYING!

He loves to sleep!  During the day he is awake for about 2 hours max!  It's nice to have such an easygoing newborn, but makes me feel like I don't get much of a chance to know him!  He also sleeps great at night, waking 1-2 times each night.  And he's so quick to eat, that it only takes about 20 minutes!  Amazing!

He has found his voice and loves to scream!  We went to a parade on Saturday and he screamed the entire time!  He is happy as a clam when he does this, it's hysterical!

He is enjoying tummy time more and more everyday!  It's so sweet to watch him and Neva do some tummy time together...again, she's an awesome helper!

He is also doing great with holding his head up and is becoming less and less of a bobble head!  He really doesn't need help with his head at all these days!  Strong little guy to hold up such a big head!

He has started to bat at some toys and especially loves the squirrel and raccoon on one of his bouncy chairs.  We also received a mobile that you can clip onto chairs and car seats...he loves this!  And yells at it while he's playing with it!

He is a very happy and easy-going kid.  He only gets mad when he is tired!  He usually wakes up by squawking or screaming, and very rarely will he resort to crying.  It is pretty unbelievable! 

 

 

Four!

I cannot believe that my baby girl has turned FOUR!  Where in the world is the time goin?!?!?

I have been a mess of emotions this past week...both of my babies are in daycare full time,  I miss them terribly all day, every day.

The school year has started and Neva is in her last year of preschool! Her first day back was apparently not great. When I picked her up last Wednesday and asked how her day was, she responded, "I don't want to talk about it."  That will rip a mama's heart into a million pieces.  She went on to tell me later that nobody wanted to play with her and that someone pushed her.  Not how you want the school year to start!

And last Thursday, she turned four.  I don't even know how that's possible. It still feels like she was just joining our family.  And at the same time it feels like she will be moving out any minute.  She is getting so big and it's happening so fast.

I have been having a very hard time with all of this recently.  I feel like time is just slipping and all these precious moments are going by so quickly.  I feel like I didn't enjoy her infancy as much as I should have, as it was just so hard to adjust to bringing a baby into the world.  I am just feeling lots of regret and absolutely heartbroken that my baby isn't going to be a baby for much longer.

She's becoming a daddy's girl. It's so sweet to watch and to hear her say that she's going to marry her daddy when she gets bigger is just too damn cute.  But I also miss the days where I was the center of her universe.  She is able to play by herself very well and for very long periods of time.  She just doesn't need me as much anymore.  It's so hard.

I miss her littleness.  I miss her snuggles in the middle of the night that comes along with having a small baby.  Things are changing and I'm having a hard time adjusting.

But my big girl is four!  And while it is hard, I know that it also comes with all sorts of new adventures for us!  More dance classes and other hobbies will start soon.  She's old enough to really do stuff with, which is fun!  She and I have talked about going to get pedicures....we're just going to have to go do it SOON!

She is hysterically funny right now, which is awesome!  She loves to tell knock-knock jokes and even knows a few funny ones!  She has the most amazing imagination I have EVER seen.  She can keep herself entertained for long periods of time...I have never seen anything like it!!! 

She is an amazing helper!  She loves to clean with us, especially the doors and windows!  And she is amazing at helping with her little brother.  She will always grab a diaper or a burp rag...or whatever else may be needed.

She is just one amazing child and I can't wait to see what comes next in her life!!!!

Returning

I have officially returned to work. 

And it blows.

I'm so grateful that I get to bring Oliver with me for a little while, but man....I miss that little girl SO much.

Being back at work today comes with gobs of regret.  I feel, in some ways, I wasted my maternity leave.  But the regrets aren't coming from my time with Oliver.  It's his sweet big sister.

I regret not waking her up to see her brother being born.  It was 3am and I wasn't thinking too clearly...but I'll probably regret that one forever.

I regret every single time I logged on to my computer to check emails, do a little work, whatever.

I regret every time I got on my phone to check facebook, emails, texts, etc.

I regret every time I told her to wait because I was doing any of the above...or a million other things.

I regret not playing dollhouse every time she asked me to.

I regret not spending more time outside, as I often felt I had my hands SO full.

I regret being terrified of leaving the house with 2 kids and not doing more fun stuff.

I regret the times I asked her to move away because she was just hanging on me after I'd had a newborn attached to me all morning. 

I'd kill to have her hanging on me right now. 

But...I am so grateful, too.

I am grateful for all of the additional snuggles during a morning cartoon or an afternoon movie.

I am grateful for all of the princesses and fairies that we colored together.  And the letters and numbers we practiced.

I am grateful for all the time we spent cooking together.

I am grateful for the days we did nothing but snuggle and stayed in our jammies until noon.

I am grateful for the endless number of books we read, day in and day out.

I am grateful for the picnic lunches and the special lunches on the couch.

I am grateful for the huge smiles I got when we did play dollhouse or doctor or cheerleader or outside or barbies or playdough or painting.

I am so grateful that I got another 7 weeks at home with my little girl who is just getting bigger every single day. 

We had so much fun together. 

And today my heart is just breaking.  I'm so sad this summer and my maternity leave have come to an end. 

I love you both so much, Neva and Oliver.  Always have.  Always will.

Photos

Sunday evening, June 22....early in the process.

In the tub...baby's coming...

My focal point...and best partner ever.

He's here!

 

Big sister!

Family of four!  Don't mind my weird face...

Daddy cutting the cord

Weighing in on the fish scale.  And Neva checking out boy parts, perhaps?

Sweet baby boy...

Just a few minutes old...

Exhausted and proud big sister...

Loving on her brother...

Oliver Wade Brotherson

I was beginning to think he was never going to be born!  I was devastated when our due date came and went. Especially since my sister was here, as I thought I was in labor about one million times.  I knew the clock was ticking and she would not be able to stay in Colorado waiting for this baby to be born.

We enjoyed a week with my mom, my sister, my niece and nephew here. But this baby still wasn't coming.  I would time contractions for hours on end....and then they would just stop. I was beyond frustrated.  I would spend hours on the phone with our midwife, convinced I couldn't wait any longer or that I couldn't have another natural birth.  I did several PTSD clearings with my sweet friend, Aarin, as Neva's labor had been extremely challenging for me.  And still waiting.  I knew as that week came to an end my sister was going to have to leave and I was heartbroken. My birth team was not all going to be there....

My sister and her kids left Saturday afternoon.  Sunday morning I woke up and was still pregnant. I was having  a hard time. I did another clearing with Aarin.  I spoke with Julianne for nearly an hour.  Discussing the option of going to he hospital, as I was sure I couldn't do it.  I felt so much better after both of those conversations.  My mom, Neva and I decided to hit our local festival, Strawberry Days. We walked and walked and walked.  I was having some contractions but nothing big and I wasn't even going to bother timing them!  Eventually we headed home and Eric was there waiting for us, as he knew I was having a hard day.


We ate dinner, well everyone else did.  I just didn't feel like it.  I ate some noodles with Parmesan cheese...but not much.  We went for a walk and the contractions started to pick up.  They were coming about every three minutes. Again I thought nothing of it, as this had happened so many times before.  Eric offered to put Neva to bed and my mom and I went to get a movie. We were in the car for less an 10 minutes and I had two HUGE contractions. It was hard to drive through them.  We watched the movie and the contractions continued. I sat on the exercise ball, reading my affirmation cards and eventually needed Eric to push in my lower back to get through the contraction.  We eventually called Julianne and gave her a heads up, but cautioned that they may just fizzle out as they had so many times before.  They didn't let up this time.

I forced everyone to go to bed to try to get some rest as I was pretty sure this baby would be coming sometime in the next 24 hours.  I decided to get in he shower to see what happened.  The contractions intensified significantly. I tried to get some sleep after my shower, but could not ignore these contractions. They were getting more intense every minute.  I informed Eric we should call the midwife. 

We called Julianne to let her know what was happening, went downstairs around 12:30 and started to get the house ready.  Moving some furniture out of the way, setting up the tub, getting the music going, etc.  At this point, I couldn't get through a contraction without some help.  My mom and Eric took turns applying pressure to my low back.  I continued to read my affirmation cards.  Bella, our cat, wouldn't leave my side and would occasionally give me a reassuring lick on my head or hand.

Julianne and her assistant, Zuleika, arrived around 1:30 and things were intense.  The contractions had increased and were coming frequently.  They hustled to get everything set up and the tub filled so that I could get in and have a bit of relief!  Soon after their arrival, around 2:00am, I felt something happening.  My bloody show.  It surprised me as that didn't happen with Neva.  Soon after that, the tub was full and cool enough that I could finally get in.  Julianne warned me that if I wasn't in labor or if it was really early, water could slow everything down.  One HUGE contraction later, I think she knew it was close to go time.

At 2:15am the contractions are lasting about 1 minute and are approximately 1 minute apart.  All in my back and apparently pushing against my tailbone?!?!  At about 2:19am (thanks for the notes, Mom!), his head was starting to show to Julianne. Shortly after this, about 2:30am, my water broke.  There was meconium present, but that was apparently fine because he was coming right away!!

The details from here on out are a bit foggy as things we're getting pretty intense.  With Neva, at this point, I had my eyes closed pretty much the entire time.  For some reason, I had to look Eric straight in the eyes to get through each and every contraction.  All the pain was in my back, which I was hoping to not experience this time.  Eric was not in the tub this time either, as I felt like I really needed him to hold on to. I was on my knees facing Eric most of the time, but shortly after getting in the tub Julianne told me to change positions as he seemed to be stuck and pushing against my tailbone.  Begrudgingly, I changed positions and leaned back into a more seated position with Eric right behind me.

Very quickly after changing positions and a few more contractions, his head was coming out and Julianne commented on how the two of us could have made a blond baby!  Funny since Neva was dark haired and dark skinned from the get go!  As he was crowning (sorry, TMI) there is a picture of the meconium coming out....I'll refrain from posting that picture on the blog!  A few more pushes and HE was here...at 3:07am. 

My mom went and got Neva out of bed to meet her BROTHER!  How she slept through all of thought is still a mystery to me!  But she was so excited and her reaction was absolutely priceless!!!  She still has never said anything about being disappointed that she didn't get a little sister!

He was suctioned, due to the meconium, and that was quickly taken care of!  He also received some free flowing oxygen to get him going.  Everyone was commenting on how huge he was at 8 pounds 4 ounces and 20 inches long.  I tell you, people in the mountains have some tiny babies!

We nursed and bonded and got to know our sweet little boy on the couch in our living room.  We had enchiladas at 6:00am (or something like that!) that I had made weeks before his arrival.  His labor was so short that they didn't even have time to thaw out!

Early on in my labor, I remember thinking, "This will all be over in about 24 hours" as Neva's labor had taken that long.  I was pleasantly surprised that it went much faster this time around.  It wasn't more painful, but surprising that things progressed and happened so quickly.  I recall saying one time that I couldn't do this.  Julianne was right there to remind me that I already was doing it and that it was almost done.  She truly was amazing.

We have been enjoying every second of this mellow little man's life ever since!  He has made our family complete and we are so glad that he is here!

Waiting...

I didn't think we would be going past our due date and waiting for this baby to arrive!  I kind of thought I might be able to catch a break this time around since Neva was so late!!

This is a hard place to be, for me.  Not making a lot of plans because you just never know what might happen.  And I've been having tons of contractions for the last week, so it always seems like it COULD be time and then everything stops.  I was so convinced this baby was coming last week, that we called my sister to start making the trek over.  Now I'm worried that she'll have to go home before this baby arrives and I've wasted tons of her time! 

Today, I'm also struggling mentally.  I don't know why, but having tons of doubts about myself....  Can I handle a natural childbirth again?  Will this labor last for 24+ hours?  I got so worked up about it at work today that I got hot and sweaty, felt my blood pressure go up, even got a little light-headed....and have cried several times.  Self doubt is a nasty, nasty thing. 

I knew today would be a challenge at work.  Now that I'm officially past my due date, I get to listen to everyone's ridiculous comments continue.  Yes, I'm still here.  Yes, I'm still pregnant.  Yes, I'm going to keep showing up every day until this baby arrives because our maternity plan sucks and I only have 2.5 weeks of unpaid time off.  So sorry that my presence is annoying to you....the feeling is starting to become mutual!

In the meantime, I'm enjoying lots of walking and hiking, spending time with my family including Momo, Aunt Mandy, Elliott and Drew.  It's fun (and a bit challenging) to watch Neva and Elliott play together and knowing that soon this baby and Drew will likely have a similar relationship!  We'll just have to see if Drew will have a boy to play with or a little girl!

Here we are at 40 weeks, getting ready to hike up a mountain.

 Being princess Anna.

Absolutely exhausted after a weekend with cousins!

Why wouldn't you wear your ballerina clothes to the park?

39+3

How in the world did we get to this point?  How are we past the 39 week mark and really just waiting, waiting for this little person to enter our lives?

Funny how quickly 9 FULL months can go by so slowly...and so quickly at the same time.  And now we just have to sit and wait until this little one is ready to make his/her appearance.

This is such an interesting time for me....  So much anticipation and excitement, yet some fear, too.  Will this labor be hard?  Will Neva adjust okay?  Am I going to be able to handle 2 children?  How is it all going to go?  It's an exciting yet scary place to be, for me.  That business of forgetting what childbirth is like has not been true for me.  I remember it quite vividly and am sure that's why I'm feeling nervous this time around.  Yes, I know I can do it.  I don't have a choice!  But I would prefer it to be easier and shorter this time around.  I want to be less afraid, more calm, more confident this time.  I want Neva to witness this experience and think, "My mom is a bad ass!"

I'm trying to savor every single cuddle with my big girl and trying to wrap my head around sharing my attention with another little human.  We had a small issue this weekend around snuggling with one of our cats.  There's just not much room on my lap these days, so I informed the cat that I could not snuggle.  Neva was convinced I was talking to her and burst into tears.  Nearly broke my heart...  "You don't want to snuggle me, Mom?"  "You couldn't stay like this forever?"  It took a good 10 minutes of explaining that I was talking to the cat and not to her, that I'll always want to snuggle her even if she has to share my lap with the new baby....I will ALWAYS have time and room to snuggle her.  My little sensitive girl....I hope this adjustment goes smoothly! 

I am ready to be done with work!  One day of pain and hard work, for a six week vacation!  :)  Really, I'm just tired of the silly comments!  Today, a co-worker came into my office to see if I was still here and just sighed, then turned around and left.  Yesterday, someone said, "Would you just pop already?"  Sorry that my presence is bothering you, I'll be sure to let my growing child know that!  People are so odd sometimes! 

So, we are anxiously/impatiently waiting.  Lots of walking and trying to keep our minds occupied right now.  Our pantry is full, the fridge is bursting, the freezer and the deep freezer can absolutely not hold another ounce of food.  The birth team is coming together....Momo is here and Aunt Mandy is just a phone call away.  At my appointment yesterday I was 40-50% effaced and 2cm dilated.  So, we're getting there.  Slowly but surely.  And I'll take all the progress that happens without me even knowing!

See you soon, baby!