Returning

I have officially returned to work. 

And it blows.

I'm so grateful that I get to bring Oliver with me for a little while, but man....I miss that little girl SO much.

Being back at work today comes with gobs of regret.  I feel, in some ways, I wasted my maternity leave.  But the regrets aren't coming from my time with Oliver.  It's his sweet big sister.

I regret not waking her up to see her brother being born.  It was 3am and I wasn't thinking too clearly...but I'll probably regret that one forever.

I regret every single time I logged on to my computer to check emails, do a little work, whatever.

I regret every time I got on my phone to check facebook, emails, texts, etc.

I regret every time I told her to wait because I was doing any of the above...or a million other things.

I regret not playing dollhouse every time she asked me to.

I regret not spending more time outside, as I often felt I had my hands SO full.

I regret being terrified of leaving the house with 2 kids and not doing more fun stuff.

I regret the times I asked her to move away because she was just hanging on me after I'd had a newborn attached to me all morning. 

I'd kill to have her hanging on me right now. 

But...I am so grateful, too.

I am grateful for all of the additional snuggles during a morning cartoon or an afternoon movie.

I am grateful for all of the princesses and fairies that we colored together.  And the letters and numbers we practiced.

I am grateful for all the time we spent cooking together.

I am grateful for the days we did nothing but snuggle and stayed in our jammies until noon.

I am grateful for the endless number of books we read, day in and day out.

I am grateful for the picnic lunches and the special lunches on the couch.

I am grateful for the huge smiles I got when we did play dollhouse or doctor or cheerleader or outside or barbies or playdough or painting.

I am so grateful that I got another 7 weeks at home with my little girl who is just getting bigger every single day. 

We had so much fun together. 

And today my heart is just breaking.  I'm so sad this summer and my maternity leave have come to an end. 

I love you both so much, Neva and Oliver.  Always have.  Always will.

Photos

Sunday evening, June 22....early in the process.

In the tub...baby's coming...

My focal point...and best partner ever.

He's here!

 

Big sister!

Family of four!  Don't mind my weird face...

Daddy cutting the cord

Weighing in on the fish scale.  And Neva checking out boy parts, perhaps?

Sweet baby boy...

Just a few minutes old...

Exhausted and proud big sister...

Loving on her brother...

Oliver Wade Brotherson

I was beginning to think he was never going to be born!  I was devastated when our due date came and went. Especially since my sister was here, as I thought I was in labor about one million times.  I knew the clock was ticking and she would not be able to stay in Colorado waiting for this baby to be born.

We enjoyed a week with my mom, my sister, my niece and nephew here. But this baby still wasn't coming.  I would time contractions for hours on end....and then they would just stop. I was beyond frustrated.  I would spend hours on the phone with our midwife, convinced I couldn't wait any longer or that I couldn't have another natural birth.  I did several PTSD clearings with my sweet friend, Aarin, as Neva's labor had been extremely challenging for me.  And still waiting.  I knew as that week came to an end my sister was going to have to leave and I was heartbroken. My birth team was not all going to be there....

My sister and her kids left Saturday afternoon.  Sunday morning I woke up and was still pregnant. I was having  a hard time. I did another clearing with Aarin.  I spoke with Julianne for nearly an hour.  Discussing the option of going to he hospital, as I was sure I couldn't do it.  I felt so much better after both of those conversations.  My mom, Neva and I decided to hit our local festival, Strawberry Days. We walked and walked and walked.  I was having some contractions but nothing big and I wasn't even going to bother timing them!  Eventually we headed home and Eric was there waiting for us, as he knew I was having a hard day.


We ate dinner, well everyone else did.  I just didn't feel like it.  I ate some noodles with Parmesan cheese...but not much.  We went for a walk and the contractions started to pick up.  They were coming about every three minutes. Again I thought nothing of it, as this had happened so many times before.  Eric offered to put Neva to bed and my mom and I went to get a movie. We were in the car for less an 10 minutes and I had two HUGE contractions. It was hard to drive through them.  We watched the movie and the contractions continued. I sat on the exercise ball, reading my affirmation cards and eventually needed Eric to push in my lower back to get through the contraction.  We eventually called Julianne and gave her a heads up, but cautioned that they may just fizzle out as they had so many times before.  They didn't let up this time.

I forced everyone to go to bed to try to get some rest as I was pretty sure this baby would be coming sometime in the next 24 hours.  I decided to get in he shower to see what happened.  The contractions intensified significantly. I tried to get some sleep after my shower, but could not ignore these contractions. They were getting more intense every minute.  I informed Eric we should call the midwife. 

We called Julianne to let her know what was happening, went downstairs around 12:30 and started to get the house ready.  Moving some furniture out of the way, setting up the tub, getting the music going, etc.  At this point, I couldn't get through a contraction without some help.  My mom and Eric took turns applying pressure to my low back.  I continued to read my affirmation cards.  Bella, our cat, wouldn't leave my side and would occasionally give me a reassuring lick on my head or hand.

Julianne and her assistant, Zuleika, arrived around 1:30 and things were intense.  The contractions had increased and were coming frequently.  They hustled to get everything set up and the tub filled so that I could get in and have a bit of relief!  Soon after their arrival, around 2:00am, I felt something happening.  My bloody show.  It surprised me as that didn't happen with Neva.  Soon after that, the tub was full and cool enough that I could finally get in.  Julianne warned me that if I wasn't in labor or if it was really early, water could slow everything down.  One HUGE contraction later, I think she knew it was close to go time.

At 2:15am the contractions are lasting about 1 minute and are approximately 1 minute apart.  All in my back and apparently pushing against my tailbone?!?!  At about 2:19am (thanks for the notes, Mom!), his head was starting to show to Julianne. Shortly after this, about 2:30am, my water broke.  There was meconium present, but that was apparently fine because he was coming right away!!

The details from here on out are a bit foggy as things we're getting pretty intense.  With Neva, at this point, I had my eyes closed pretty much the entire time.  For some reason, I had to look Eric straight in the eyes to get through each and every contraction.  All the pain was in my back, which I was hoping to not experience this time.  Eric was not in the tub this time either, as I felt like I really needed him to hold on to. I was on my knees facing Eric most of the time, but shortly after getting in the tub Julianne told me to change positions as he seemed to be stuck and pushing against my tailbone.  Begrudgingly, I changed positions and leaned back into a more seated position with Eric right behind me.

Very quickly after changing positions and a few more contractions, his head was coming out and Julianne commented on how the two of us could have made a blond baby!  Funny since Neva was dark haired and dark skinned from the get go!  As he was crowning (sorry, TMI) there is a picture of the meconium coming out....I'll refrain from posting that picture on the blog!  A few more pushes and HE was here...at 3:07am. 

My mom went and got Neva out of bed to meet her BROTHER!  How she slept through all of thought is still a mystery to me!  But she was so excited and her reaction was absolutely priceless!!!  She still has never said anything about being disappointed that she didn't get a little sister!

He was suctioned, due to the meconium, and that was quickly taken care of!  He also received some free flowing oxygen to get him going.  Everyone was commenting on how huge he was at 8 pounds 4 ounces and 20 inches long.  I tell you, people in the mountains have some tiny babies!

We nursed and bonded and got to know our sweet little boy on the couch in our living room.  We had enchiladas at 6:00am (or something like that!) that I had made weeks before his arrival.  His labor was so short that they didn't even have time to thaw out!

Early on in my labor, I remember thinking, "This will all be over in about 24 hours" as Neva's labor had taken that long.  I was pleasantly surprised that it went much faster this time around.  It wasn't more painful, but surprising that things progressed and happened so quickly.  I recall saying one time that I couldn't do this.  Julianne was right there to remind me that I already was doing it and that it was almost done.  She truly was amazing.

We have been enjoying every second of this mellow little man's life ever since!  He has made our family complete and we are so glad that he is here!