I got up with my alarm this morning at 5:15am and headed down to the garage to bust my ass. I've been working out more regularly over the past six weeks. I've gotten some customized workouts from this fit li'l mama in Texas including cardio, abs and weight training. I do her awesome (hard) workouts at least 5 days/week, belly dance at least once a week and have a rest day here and there. To say I've been busting my ass is an understatement...in my opinion.
I haven't had much success...yet, but I'm trying to stick with it. The scale isn't budging and I'm contemplating throwing the damn thing in the trash. Everyone says to take measurements rather than concentrate on the number on the scale. Maybe I'll have Eric just hide it from me and only weigh-in on a weekly basis or something...rather than periodically throughout the day. That can't be healthy. Anyways, to say that I've been annoyed with the results I've seen....again an understatement.
Today, as I was getting dressed, I knew that my wardrobe choice was iffy. A maxi dress with a short cardigan on top. This dress is so comfy and pretty cute, I think. But I know that I wore it during my pregnancy with Neva and during those first few weeks postpartum. I know how it makes my body look. But today? Today I felt good in it.
Then I got to work.
And someone asked me the dreaded question, "Are you pregnant?"
It took everything I had not to start crying right then and there. What did I do instead? Laughed (uncomfortably) and started to make a joke about it. He didn't mean it. He had no idea. He also has no idea how that can make someone feel and what a funk he has put me in for the rest of the day. He also doesn't know that we've been trying for months and so far, no success.
Sigh.
Happy Monday.
I haven't had much success...yet, but I'm trying to stick with it. The scale isn't budging and I'm contemplating throwing the damn thing in the trash. Everyone says to take measurements rather than concentrate on the number on the scale. Maybe I'll have Eric just hide it from me and only weigh-in on a weekly basis or something...rather than periodically throughout the day. That can't be healthy. Anyways, to say that I've been annoyed with the results I've seen....again an understatement.
Today, as I was getting dressed, I knew that my wardrobe choice was iffy. A maxi dress with a short cardigan on top. This dress is so comfy and pretty cute, I think. But I know that I wore it during my pregnancy with Neva and during those first few weeks postpartum. I know how it makes my body look. But today? Today I felt good in it.
Then I got to work.
And someone asked me the dreaded question, "Are you pregnant?"
It took everything I had not to start crying right then and there. What did I do instead? Laughed (uncomfortably) and started to make a joke about it. He didn't mean it. He had no idea. He also has no idea how that can make someone feel and what a funk he has put me in for the rest of the day. He also doesn't know that we've been trying for months and so far, no success.
Sigh.
Happy Monday.
You're beating the hell out of yourself! Stop, gorgeous one, stop! That kind of shit you're telling yourself? That there's been no success? It rips you apart. And it's simply NOT TRUE. REALLY. IT'S NOT TRUE.
ReplyDeleteI think you should FOR SURE throw away the scale. I did the same thing a few weeks ago because DAMN. It was doing me NO GOOD. It's that numbers game, and it doesn't help you. It doesn't help your spirit, it doesn't help your body.
You've said it before- one of your MOST important jobs is teaching Neva that the best part of ourselves is our heart, our soul, our spirit. And tearing yourself apart like this? When you are drop dead gorgeous and have a spirit as bright as a million candles?
I beg you to be more gentle on yourself. More tenderness! More love!
You are loved by many. You are supported by many. You are adored by many. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
Repeat after me (every morning):
I am amazing.
I am phenomenal.
I am smart.
I am strong.
I am worthy.
I am compassionate.
I am amazing.
xoxo,
Courtney