I've had a lot of hard days recently. Yesterday, Thursday, was a challenge for sure.
This job isn't always easy. Sometimes I deal with kids who just have a small delay and we want to get them caught up. Sometimes I work with kids who are born with a diagnosis, who may need support for their entire life. Other times, I deal with super sick kids.
I recently had a child come on my caseload with a very grim prognosis. Not supposed to make it to birth, not supposed to leave the hospital, not supposed to make it 2 weeks, not supposed to make it to his first birthday. But, he was beating these milestones and so we got to work with him. He was a super strong little guy and his family is amazing.
But....he lost his battle at less than 6 months of age. And yesterday I went to his funeral. Unfortunately, that is a very real part of my job. I've been to too many funerals where the caskets are smaller than you can imagine. Honestly, they shouldn't even make caskets that small. It's just heartbreaking. One year, I went to 4 funerals for children on my caseload. Rough.
Funerals are always sad. You can always hear the occasional sniffle and watch as friends and family wipe away a tear. But a funeral for an infant? There are more tears and sniffles than you can imagine. Yesterday was no exception. I like to think that I can keep my composure and be strong during these times, but I was crying yesterday, too. And felt an ache within. Funny how that has changed since becoming a Mom myself.
As the service started, this sweet little baby was wrapped in blankets and handed to his mother. She held him and looked at him and kissed him and rocked him....during his funeral. It was heart wrenching. And seriously, one of the most difficult funeral services that I have ever sat through. I can't imagine being in their place right now. How empty and sad they must be feeling at this time. It makes my stomach turn.
Something about a funeral for a child. It just gets you. It makes you think about things. How lucky I am to have my daughter. Every single day with her is a blessing. And I am so grateful. So, so grateful.
This job isn't always easy. Sometimes I deal with kids who just have a small delay and we want to get them caught up. Sometimes I work with kids who are born with a diagnosis, who may need support for their entire life. Other times, I deal with super sick kids.
I recently had a child come on my caseload with a very grim prognosis. Not supposed to make it to birth, not supposed to leave the hospital, not supposed to make it 2 weeks, not supposed to make it to his first birthday. But, he was beating these milestones and so we got to work with him. He was a super strong little guy and his family is amazing.
But....he lost his battle at less than 6 months of age. And yesterday I went to his funeral. Unfortunately, that is a very real part of my job. I've been to too many funerals where the caskets are smaller than you can imagine. Honestly, they shouldn't even make caskets that small. It's just heartbreaking. One year, I went to 4 funerals for children on my caseload. Rough.
Funerals are always sad. You can always hear the occasional sniffle and watch as friends and family wipe away a tear. But a funeral for an infant? There are more tears and sniffles than you can imagine. Yesterday was no exception. I like to think that I can keep my composure and be strong during these times, but I was crying yesterday, too. And felt an ache within. Funny how that has changed since becoming a Mom myself.
As the service started, this sweet little baby was wrapped in blankets and handed to his mother. She held him and looked at him and kissed him and rocked him....during his funeral. It was heart wrenching. And seriously, one of the most difficult funeral services that I have ever sat through. I can't imagine being in their place right now. How empty and sad they must be feeling at this time. It makes my stomach turn.
Something about a funeral for a child. It just gets you. It makes you think about things. How lucky I am to have my daughter. Every single day with her is a blessing. And I am so grateful. So, so grateful.
OH THE HEART!
ReplyDeleteThe funerals for children... for the itty bitty ones... wrenching. Wrenching. WRENCHING.
I'm so glad you are able to go, to show support and compassion and love. To show that we all belong to one another- eEven during some of the roughest times. Especially during some of the roughest times.
Much, much love- Courtney
Sometimes life is not fair!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
ReplyDeleteKG
I am so sorry you have to go through this so often, but I can't imagine anyone better suited. You have such a huge heart. Love you.
ReplyDelete