I am having one of those days...you know, where everything seems to bother you for no particular reason? I cried to a co-worker when I got to work...stress does funny things to you! Can't even pinpoint the one thing that is bothering me, just seems to be everything all at once! Hopefully the sun actually shining today will help turn this frown upside down. I don't like feeling this way or bringing those around me down. And even when I say I'm going to make a conscious effort to be happier and not be bogged down by these things...I let myself get bogged down. Add to that, a handful of sleepless nights...and it's a recipe for a meltdown here and there!
Our sweet little Neva has caught a bit of a cold or something, which has resulted in a few nights with very little sleep. She was doing such a great job of sleeping from 7:00pm until 5:30am, waking only for a quick snack and then back to bed until about 7:00am. Almost 12 hours of blissful sleep for that little lady. Then we went to Kansas. And a couple more teeth popped through...that's right a couple. She's working on number 7 right now. And now? Now she's back to waking up 2-3 times/night. And this mama??? Is exhausted! But I know we'll get through this phase and then she'll be back to sleeping longer periods at a time and I'll be back to worrying about whether or not she's okay!
One of the main stressors right now is milk! Who knew nursing could be so stressful!?!? I went out of town at the end of April and had to pump like a crazy person to try to keep up with her. It seems that we were heating up milk wrong at home. Cooking it too long and too hot so that it would go bad. We threw out bags and bags and more bags of milk, thinking it was going bad somehow...not realizing what was actually happening. So about 5 days worth of milk was eventually tossed. Now I could really use those bags of milk! We gave her 3 bottles of formula to help me get caught up and I hated all 3 of them. I cried about it even. Not that it's that big of a deal, but I wanted to avoid it at all costs. Instead of continuing that path, I'm trying to make more milk. I've been instructed to pump 5 times a day for 25 minutes. That's just over 2 hours of my day spent hooked up to a machine...barf. I've been told to increase my fluid intake. To increase my calories to 2700/day (not going to help with the weight loss). And so far, we haven't seen a change....but I'm hopeful that things will get better and I'll be able to keep up with Little Miss!
Who, by the way, is quite hilarious these days! She is doing this funny little noise with her nose, kind of like a bunny and it kills me every time!!! Here's a little video....sorry, don't know how to rotate it! Grrrr.
She is also doing a lot of babbling, which is fun to hear! Can't wait to hear the things that come out of this little lady's mouth! I have a feeling she's going to be quite the character! She's always making new sounds and I can't get enough of her!
She continues to army crawl to get around, which is quite comical. She is also practicing standing and will stand while holding on to the couch or anything else she can get her hands on! She wants to practice this all the time!!
She is so much fun right now!!! Just keeps getting better everyday!
Our sweet little Neva has caught a bit of a cold or something, which has resulted in a few nights with very little sleep. She was doing such a great job of sleeping from 7:00pm until 5:30am, waking only for a quick snack and then back to bed until about 7:00am. Almost 12 hours of blissful sleep for that little lady. Then we went to Kansas. And a couple more teeth popped through...that's right a couple. She's working on number 7 right now. And now? Now she's back to waking up 2-3 times/night. And this mama??? Is exhausted! But I know we'll get through this phase and then she'll be back to sleeping longer periods at a time and I'll be back to worrying about whether or not she's okay!
One of the main stressors right now is milk! Who knew nursing could be so stressful!?!? I went out of town at the end of April and had to pump like a crazy person to try to keep up with her. It seems that we were heating up milk wrong at home. Cooking it too long and too hot so that it would go bad. We threw out bags and bags and more bags of milk, thinking it was going bad somehow...not realizing what was actually happening. So about 5 days worth of milk was eventually tossed. Now I could really use those bags of milk! We gave her 3 bottles of formula to help me get caught up and I hated all 3 of them. I cried about it even. Not that it's that big of a deal, but I wanted to avoid it at all costs. Instead of continuing that path, I'm trying to make more milk. I've been instructed to pump 5 times a day for 25 minutes. That's just over 2 hours of my day spent hooked up to a machine...barf. I've been told to increase my fluid intake. To increase my calories to 2700/day (not going to help with the weight loss). And so far, we haven't seen a change....but I'm hopeful that things will get better and I'll be able to keep up with Little Miss!
Who, by the way, is quite hilarious these days! She is doing this funny little noise with her nose, kind of like a bunny and it kills me every time!!! Here's a little video....sorry, don't know how to rotate it! Grrrr.
She is also doing a lot of babbling, which is fun to hear! Can't wait to hear the things that come out of this little lady's mouth! I have a feeling she's going to be quite the character! She's always making new sounds and I can't get enough of her!
She continues to army crawl to get around, which is quite comical. She is also practicing standing and will stand while holding on to the couch or anything else she can get her hands on! She wants to practice this all the time!!
She is so much fun right now!!! Just keeps getting better everyday!
Hey there, beautiful. I know these nights without sleep, these days full of clouds and rain, the stressors of working, adjusting to your new schedule with Eric, and being your best for those you love- it can beat the crap out of you. I'm glad you were able to get some emotions out today!
ReplyDeleteI know this probably doesn't mean much, but formula really and truly won't harm your sweet girl. Supplementing here or there because of one thing or another (I can't imagine how hard that must have been to dump that much milk!!)- it's okay. It doesn't mean you were a failure, it doesn't mean Neva is going to get sick, it doesn't mean she's going to stop breastfeeding, it doesn't mean she's not going to remain brilliant and beautiful- it just means that she got some formula.
I wish I had enough money to buy us a day at the spa. At least there we could try to beat ourselves up, but the other could step in and demand that we become more gentle with ourselves. Also? We would be getting massages and pedicures and manicures and ice water with lemon wedges. Sounds dang good.
Can you ask Eric to give you a gentle hug from me tonight? One that lets you know how amazing and sweet and compassionate you are (not to mention what an incredible mother you are!)?
xoxo,
Courtney
Also? My thoughts regarding formula were completely not invited from you, so I hope I didn't make you upset. I know you have your reasons for wanting to stick with breast milk in a 100% sort of direction- and I so support that. I was heartbroken in one million different ways when I realized there was no easy way to get breast milk into my boy (there was a hospital in Denver that had a milk bank, but the cost of that was phenomenal), and I had to be okay with the fact that it wasn't going to work out. Point being- you are a fantastic and selfless mama... try to not kick your own arse if Neva needs a bottle of formula now and again (again, not invited thoughts)....
ReplyDeleteCourtney
Courtney sounds like a great friend. All I can do is repeat what a great job you are doing. You have a beautiful daughter who is doing amazing things. Everything you do reflects your love for your family and I continue to be SO proud of you. Just know that all this will pass, too - too quickly! Love you
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